Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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