He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
