dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
