Soap is not a condiment
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
