brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
