he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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