Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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