listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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