im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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