I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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