marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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