If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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