Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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