All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
