Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
