I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
