Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
