I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
