He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
