I think i peed on brittanys purse
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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