Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
