Non-Jews are for practice
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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