i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
