she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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