I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
