i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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