He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
