Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
