There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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