winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
