so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
