Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
