Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
