i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
