Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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