watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
