Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize