my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
