Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
