i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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