I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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