i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize