making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize