i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
