some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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