One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
