I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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