It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
