I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
