the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
