she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize