I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
