just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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