Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
