Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
