so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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