before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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