just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
