what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
