Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Panties = found
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
