My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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