Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
