It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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