Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
