I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
