I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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