I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
