Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
