First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
