Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
