im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
whose ass print is on the piano?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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