theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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