Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
honey bunches of taint.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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