Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
