just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
