Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
