new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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