I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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