my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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