Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
