chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
