we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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