my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
